Examine Your Expectations
a. Expect your family relationships to develop naturally, and perhaps, painfully at first. When you begin to homeschool, the first thing you are really doing is reclaiming your children - especially if they've already entered a traditional school setting. You are reclaiming your "family" and those relationships. This takes time. Your children might not automatically see you as a "teacher" - not like the one they've been used to. And the worst thing you can do is act like one. Resist the urge to "play school". Yours is a family, a home, a safe and relaxed environment. Learning is as natural as breathing for you and the children.
b. Expect the best from each other but be flexible/realistic. Living, working, playing with each other 24/7 will be challenging at first. Work gently to establish routines and soon you'll find life flowing not perfectly, but to the rhythm of your family - not any of the families in your homeschool group. (By the way, don't be fooled by other families that you see once a week. They don't have it together any more than you do!)
c. Expect to fall short (especially at the start) but to continue. When you have what you consider a "bad" day - just pick yourself up. Tomorrow's a new day. The mercies of the Lord are new every morning (that's my reminder). Try to end even a less-than-perfect day on a positive note - prepare a bedtime snack and have a family story time before bed, keeping things light. Forgive and forget - especially learn to forgive yourself... then pass it on to others.
d. Expect your children to behave like children. (Homeschooled or Christian children are still immature humans.) Children are far from perfect as I hope you know by now. Too many people expect that homeschooling will transform children - that's silly and unrealistic. If anything, homeschooling will transform the parents to be more accepting of their children. That's how it should work.
e. Expect achievement commensurate with ability. Resist the urge to push your young child. Work with your child's strengths but don't pile on more just because they can complete something at home much more quickly than in a classroom. Unless a child is really enjoying an activity and is motivated to move forward on his/her own, please don't push. If you do, you're asking for 'burn-out'. Even homeschooled children can experience burnout from parents who are expecting too much, too soon.
I recommend that you read BETTER LATE THAN EARLY or THE SUCCESSFUL HOMESCHOOL FAMILY HANDBOOK by Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore, pioneers of the modern homeschool movement.
Take time to study your child's temperament (see previous posts) and learning styles. A good book I recommend is THE WAY THEY LEARN by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. You might be able to find it in your local library. Below, I'll outline some of the learning needs of children based on their primary temperament.
Examine YOUR Attitudes
a. "Your attitude determines your altitude." This is a well-known truism. Any person can learn to develop a more positive attitude and outlook on life.
b. Learn to laugh (mainly at yourself). Get in the habit of laughing or smiling even when your child spills their drink for the 3rd time that day. Every emotional response begins with a choice. We choose to respond in either anger or frustration or calmly and peacefully. Believe it. Every response, every word we utter begins with a choice. So form a habit to stop before you choose your responses and reactions. Humor diffuses many situations. Try it, I think you'll like it.
c. Take one day at a time. (You eat an elephant how? One bite at a time!) Don't worry about the end of the year, the end of the week, or even tomorrow.
Besides, worrying won't get you anywhere. Focus on today - it has enough to keep you occupied! I found that a planner system freed me up from having to deal with a to-do list a mile long. I still use the Franklin Planning system. There are many good articles and books available on organizing your time and freeing up your mind with a good system of scheduling. It is worth the few minutes it takes first thing in the morning or in the evening to jot down tomorrow's to do list and even note appointments, etc. for the week. It certainly frees your brain from having a million things swirling around that drain your precious emotional energy. I have another article all about organization - I'll have to post that one soon. :)
d. And finally: Get control of fear, worry and anxiety. This goes right back to the first point. If you are Christian, then you might already know that there are 365 verses in the Bible that tell you to FEAR NOT. This is an important topic to God. Fear and faith cannot work together. Fear and trust cannot work together. You're either going to walk in faith and trust which will produce a spirit of peace within you or you'll choose to walk in fretfulness and fear which will produce almost everything negative you can think about including sickness. If you are having a battle in this area, seek counsel from a trusted source. There are also many excellent books on this subject to help you. If you need some titles, just contact me and I'll be glad to provide the names of some good resources.
WHAT YOUR CHILD NEEDS (or Helping Your Child Thrive)
Let's review "Tigger":
Tigger (also known as Sanguine)*
Strengths: appealing personality, talkative/storyteller, loves a party, 'holds on' to the listener (literally), can be innocent/naive, enthusiastic, expressive, curious, creative, a good persuader, inspires and motivates, friendly and outgoing, loves to volunteer
Weaknesses: finds 'finishing' difficult, disorganized, bores easily, talks too much, can be forgetful, self-centered, interrupts, over-commits, has a hard time reaching goals
Tigger Parent:
Strengths: makes home (homeschooling) fun, well-liked by kids' friends, finds humor in a disaster, is the circus-master
Weaknesses: home can be in a frenzy, forgets appointments, disorganized, doesn't listen to the whole story, inconsistent disciplinarian
The Tigger/sanguine child needs:
1. consistent supervision for follow-through because they are good at starting a project, but often, when the novelty wears off, they don't want to finish.
2. parents who resist the temptation to do the job for him.
3. variety in schedule, materials, variety in life in general; they droop on the vine in a dull routine.
4. not to be allowed to become over-committed because they get overwhelmed and tend to ‘run away’ from the responsibility – help them find a balance.
5. help getting organized - but do not expect miracles (make this fun and creative)
6. praise, praise and more praise – sincere compliments – encouragement frequently; recognize accomplishments (Dwelling on negative things will do nothing to motivate the sanguine. On the other hand, sincere compliments will go far.)
7. understanding that happy sanguines mean well and desire to please.
8. encouragement to listen and wait their turn in talking; this must take consistent effort.
Let's review "Eeyore":
Eeyore (also known as Melancholy)*
Weaknesses: thinks he’s the only one, easily depressed/gloomy, personalizes
hurt feelings, low self image, judgmental of self/others, procrastinates because of perfectionism, can be demanding
Eeyore Parent:
Strengths: sets high standards, wants things done right, picks up after kids, sacrifices own will for others, encourages scholarship and talent
Weaknesses: puts goals beyond reach, may discourage children, may be too meticulous, becomes a martyr, sulks over disagreements, puts guilt on children
The Eeyore/melancholy child needs:
1. structure and routine – he needs to know where he’s going, when and why
2. help toning down his standards and perfectionistic expectations of himself and others.
3. absolute truthful and sincere praise – they tend to be suspicious of flattery; because of their perfectionism, they cannot understand why their accomplishments (which are less than perfect to them) are receiving so much attention; better to say, "I think it's very good, however, what do you like about it? What do you think needs improving?" They will respect you for your common sense. However, they do need quiet, loving compliments.
4. quiet and ‘space’– they don’t mind being alone and generally need a quiet time to stare, meditate and reflect.
5. protection against depression – parents should learn the signs of depression as this temperament can be prone to depressive illness.
6. encouragement (not pushing) to express their feelings and to communicate
(their feelings are easily hurt and they tend to ‘hold feelings in’).
Let's review "Rabbit":
Rabbit(often called choleric)*
Strengths
Leader, strong-willed, decisive, goal oriented, prefers an organized environment, likes to organize others, delegates work, thrives on opposition, doesn't seem to need friends, is usually right, good in emergencies
Weaknesses: egotistical, can be a compulsive worker, must control everything,
intolerant of weakness, can be manipulating, gives un-asked for advice, can be argumentative, has difficulty admitting mistakes or weaknesses, does not like to apologize
The Rabbit Parent:
Strengths: exerts sound leadership, likes to establish goals, family-motivator, usually has a correct answer, likes an organized household
Weaknesses: can be over-domineering, too busy for the mundane of family activities, provides answers too quickly, can be impatient with less than perfect performance, has a hard time allowing children relaxation time (considers it non-productive)
The Rabbit/choleric child needs:
1. firm, loving, consistent and logical ‘discipling’ or mentoring; their strong-will makes them a challenge to discipline at times
2. a parent who understands their desire (and need) to lead and direct, but one who doesn’t allow them to push (manipulate) parents or other family members around.
Because they are usually intelligent, insightful and logical, they also tend to be correct more often than not, and can’t understand why they’re not allowed to ‘run things’.
3. to be given control over appropriate situations and responsibilities (or they will seize control over everything and everyone) – older ‘choleric’ children can supervise and help train younger children – they can organize family outings and delegate responsibility if done so with kindness, respect and diplomacy; choleric children need to learn that respect is earned and is not a birth-right.
4. to learn to communicate in a two-way manner – to listen to others as well as ‘tell’ their side – in communicating with these children, things need to be clear, concise, logical, firm and friendly - terms might need definition - these children respect firmness and practicality.
5. to be taught manners, considerate behavior toward others and patience
6. a parent who can make projects, assignments and tasks clear and well-defined so there is less chance of misunderstanding and argument.
7. help in developing a sense of compassion and kindness – because of their practical and ‘realistic’ nature, they may appear cold and heartless to the plight of others.
Let's review "Winnie-the-pooh":
Winnie the Pooh (also known as phlegmatic)*
Strengths: all-purpose person, low key, easygoing, patient and well-balanced, reconciled to life, mediator, administrator, usually has many friends
Winnie the Pooh Parent:
Strengths: is usually a good parent, makes time for children, not hurried, accepting and doesn't get easily upset
Weaknesses: not a home organizer, lax in discipline, takes life a bit too easily, avoids major conflict
The Winnie-the-Pooh phlegmatic child needs:
1. positive motivation and attainable goals with rewards along the way for the effort; walk this child through new learning situations – do things with him.
2. encouragement to set goals – perhaps the task has to be broken down into steps and bite-sized pieces – a chart of duties to check off so he can visually see that he’s getting somewhere – must learn to set reasonable goals and not be afraid of failure.
3. to be forced to make decisions – do not accept a constant ‘I don’t care.’ or ‘I don’t know’ – teach them to evaluate and decide even if they don’t care.
4. encouragement to take responsibility and lead – because they have administrative ability and conciliatory leadership gifts they make great executives
– their natural acceptance of people helps them become great mediators.
5. to be shown that you have confidence in their abilities - they will work hard for those who truly believe in them.
I hope you have enjoyed this series of posts. If I can be of any help to you, or if you have any comments, please leave them here or contact me: famtimes (at) comcast (dot) net. Thanks for reading. If you have found this blog helpful so far, please let others know about it. Have a great day!
